Story by Britany Ruby | Photography by Daniel R. Doherty

"Straight Americans need ... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul."
~Bruce Bawer
The Advocate, 28 April 1998

     Growing up as an African American, a person understands one thing — family is everything. It is everything, and out of respect, one would follow its traditions and, in some cases, even abide by its religion. Yet, what if a person’s heart didn’t follow the same beat as their loved ones? What if normal cultural guideposts do not fit one’s lifestyle? Should a person hide who he or she really is? Should someone lie to loved ones to keep their respect?
     Most college students don’t ask themselves these questions, but for a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered (GLBT) students; these are just the beginning of a very different journey, that they normally travel alone. The three people who opened themselves up in this article want people to recognize their personalities and attributes, not just their chosen lifestyle. Each person wishes to remain anonymous to avoid judgment. So, in order to respect their privacy and their wishes, we changed their names to Brandon, Ashley, and Jasmine.

     Brandon is a 19-year-old male who grew up close to Kent. Because he grew up in a very religious family, he lives a closeted lifestyle. He feels coming out will harm his current career, as well as future career plans. The only people who know he is gay are his very close friends and the young man he has been dating for more than two years.
Q. Have you officially come out of the closet?
A. No.
Q. Why not?
A. Because it would effect how people viewed me in the career I’m in and want to be in.
Q. Do you think your peers would judge you?
A: Not at all ‘cause some I have told, but in a way, yes.
Q. Are you in a relationship?
A: Yes.
Q. Is he out of the closet?
A: Sort of, his mom knows.
Q. Does it hinder you or your partner because you are not out?
A: No we have been together so long its fine. I met him when I was 16. I love him with all my heart and want to marry him one day.
Q. Really? With gay marriage being illegal in Ohio? Would you have a commitment ceremony?
A: I figure by the time we get ready, it will be legal.
Q. How does it feel to be gay in college?
A. It feels normal. Whatever normal is.
Q. Do you think it’s harder to be open with your white or black peers?
A. I don’t think the race matters, but the type of relationship I have with that person. Then again, I guess it is easier with white people because black society has made homosexuality negative. For instance every black family has that gay uncle or cousin they never talk about.
Q. Does your family approve of your lifestyle?
A. I don’t know. They don’t really know. I’m sure they assume because I came from them. They just kind of ignore it because it goes against their religious values.
Q. Do you believe you were born gay?
A. I don’t believe anyone is born a certain way. But I think the society you grew up in and your environment builds what you look for. Like if someone wanted to date someone just like their mom. So born gay, no, but I didn’t wake up and decide to be gay. I also feel that you can’t help who you love.
Q. Do you think its difficult being gay and an African American?
A. Yes it’s hard; it takes a strong person.
Q. Have you ever considered being straight?
A. No. Being gay doesn’t make me who I am. It just so happens to be a part of me, just like it happens that I am black.

     Jasmine is a 22-year-old student who grew up outside of Cleveland, Ohio. She has kept the fact that she is a lesbian a secret to protect her family and to maintain her privacy. She is in a committed relationship with someone who also chooses not to be open.Q. Why haven’t you come out of the closet?
A. I don’t want my business out there. I don’t want my name in everybody’s mouth. And I don’t want people looking at my family a certain way or saying anything.
Q. How does not being completely open affect your relationships?
A: It’s easy because 99 percent of the girls I messed with were so secretive about their sexuality that they really didn’t even want me to know.
Q. What is it like being in a relationship with someone who’s still in the closet?
A. Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s not. I hate when dudes try to get on with her or call her sexy or baby because they don’t think she’s in a relationship.
Q. How does it feel to be gay in college?
A. It’s the time of opportunity. For every negative comment, there’s two curious females who want to know more; they want to experiment. But, everybody is pretty cool about it.
Q. Do you get more hassle form your white or black peers?
A. Black
Q. Why do you think straight females feel like you’re always hitting on them?
A. I’m a natural flirt. I can’t help that. But, the whole thing where straight females don’t want to be friends with gay girls because they’re scared to get hit on is crazy. First of all, it’s probably your imagination because I can’t even remember the last time I even hit on somebody. Secondly, they’re probably busted and crave attention and just want something to talk about. Lastly, nine times out of ten, my girl looks better than them anyway.
Q. So you don’t flirt with your straight friends? Is it really all in their imagination?
A: If I do it, I don’t know I’m doing it.
Q. Does your family approve of your lifestyle?
A. I’m sure they know, but it’s a don’t ask, don’t tell policy.
Q. Why do they ignore it? Do you ever plan on telling them?
A. Because it’s my business and no.
Q. Do you believe you were born gay?
A. I can’t answer that because I don’t remember if I was developing crushes when I was two. But it has a lot to do with upbringing, environment and yourself as a person. I think it’s a combination of different things.
Q. When do you first remember being attracted to females?
A. I was in kindergarten.
Q. Is it difficult being an African American homosexual?
A. Not Really. I feel raw; it’s easier for me than a black male.
Q. Can you elaborate?
A: I can dress in baggy clothes. If I’m rocking Rocawear, Ed Hardy, or whatever’s popular, I get a lot of compliments from guys and girls. But if a black male wants to rock stilettos and such—well, you know what the reaction will be.
Q. Yes, I get your point. Have you ever wanted to be straight? And if so Why?
A. When I was younger because it was normal.

     Ashley is a 21-year-old student at Wright State University. She has come out of the closet, but still hides it to be accepted in church. Ashley does not believe that her lifestyle is wrong, but she cares more about appearances than her happiness. Instead of wearing her normal male attire, she’ll even wear heels and skirts at work and church.
Q. Have you come out of the closet?
A. Yes.
Q. Are you in a relationship?
A No, because I am sick of getting my emotions played with by girls who refuse to come out.
Q. What is it like being gay in college?
A. It’s wonderful. You get to express your sexuality no matter what people think. My school is very big on diversity, and it keeps me from not feeling out of the loop.
Q. Does your family approve of your lifestyle?
A. No, because they don’t believe that it’s of God. They think I should change my lifestyle because of the whole spiritual aspect. It looks better in church.
Q. Do you believe you were born gay?
A. According to my moral values or beliefs, no, I was not born this way. I have to choose not to be gay, rather than choose to be gay. On the other hand, I know this isn’t something I learned.
Q. How old were you when you first remember being attracted to a female?
A. I was 12 when I first became attracted to a female.
Q. Do you think it’s hard to be an African American lesbian?
A. No, but it is difficult being gay and a Christian.
Q. Have you ever thought about being straight?
A. Yes I have considered it. My religious views have led me to believe that is what’s right.

     The judgment that young GLBT people experience would be hard on anyone, especially a college freshman. Yet, these are the burdens these young people learn to live with. Not only do these normal American students have to deal with discriminatory stereotypes in their community, but they also deal with being misunderstood at home. Most of the students stated their families are in denial or don’t approve because of both religious reasons and their family’s reputation. Because of each student’s constant moral struggle, they contemplate being straight, but it’s easier said than done. Not only are they comfortable in their lifestyles, they also stick to what they have learned and don’t care that society believes the choices they make in life are wrong. In some instances, their family will never truly respect their lifestyle because in the black community, going against what is normal brings shame to one’s family. While being GLBT isn’t easy in any case, in the black community, it is more than a sin. It is a disgrace to most. How does a person deal with such misunderstanding and unwanted criticism? Is it possible to be open in an unloving society? The black community as a whole should take the time to evaluate how it has treated its GLBT brothers and sisters.