Column by Deanna Stevens

     Ever since I was a child, I would always do what was proper. I never disobeyed authority; I never even saw a detention slip. I worked hard in school; I was ranked in the top 10 percentile of my graduating class with a 3.9 GPA. And I always did what was expected.
     So dropping a bomb like this on my family must have been a part of my subconscious trying to make up for the lack of a teen-aged, rebellious stage.
     Maybe a bomb is a little over dramatic, but I knew my dad wasn’t going to be happy.

The bomb (my boyfriend)
     Nate is my boyfriend, my first love.
     I was senior in high school when we first met at a local newspaper where we worked. At first I thought he was nice, but a little too sarcastic for my taste. But as we worked there longer, we became closer friends. And the closer we got, the more I realized how much I really did care about him, sarcasm and all.
     We began dating in October of my junior year in college. At first we were both hesitant because it was one thing to be friends, but the dynamic of a relationship changes drastically when you put a label on it. While we were trying to figure out how not to blow it, there was a third variable that I knew would come into play.
     Nate is white and I’m not.
     The race issue wasn’t a problem for either one of us, because in all honesty, it just didn’t matter. I grew up in Stow, which isn’t known for its diversity. When I graduated high school, my class was made up of more than 500 students and there were two black people who crossed that stage, including myself.
     And Nate grew up in North Hill. He went to Firestone High School in Akron, and he hung out with more black kids in a regular school day than I would at a family reunion.
     It is one thing to talk about equality and tolerance, but it’s different when Deanna doesn’t bring home a black guy. There is a real stigma about interracial dating. How often are interracial couples portrayed positively in T.V. or movies? Remember in “Waiting to Exhale,” when Angela Bassett’s character found out her husband was leaving her for a white woman? There was a collective “oh, no he didn’t!” from black women across America.
     Obviously, things have gotten better, but it’s not perfect. People usually believe they are fine with it, until it’s thrown at them.
     Nate and I dated in secret for a month before I told my parents. I wanted to make sure Nate and I could figure out this whole relationship thing before I brought everything to the table.
     I knew my mom would be OK with it because we’d had the conversation before. But when I told her about Nate, she was upset about one thing.
     “I can’t believe you waited a month to tell me,” my mom said. “I understand not telling your dad because he’s a little goofy. But me!”
     I knew my dad would have a problem with me dating a white guy. He let me know that dating a white guy was not a good idea. I remember driving with him to a school dance when I was probably 12 or 13.
     Thinking that I had not reached the boy-liking stage yet, my dad told me I would soon start thinking about boys in a more grown-up way. When that day came and I realized that I wanted to start dating, he’d prefer that I would not date outside my race because I “deserved a black man.”
     Ever since that day, I’d been terrified to date a white guy.

The Big Reveal
     After that first month, things were going so well that I knew Nate was worth all the drama my dad could throw at me. Throughout that month, I was preparing Nate for all the drama my dad would throw at him.
     I’m the first born, and Nate was my first boyfriend, so he was going to be in for the fatherly interrogation no matter what, but the fact that he is white was just a cherry on top.
     I tried to be as honest as I could without making him think that my dad was some kind of bigot. I know my dad doesn’t have a problem with white people; he was more worried I would get hurt in the process by what people would say or do. My dad’s opinion on the subject was more a part of him being overprotective, rather than hateful. Yet, I know because he is so protective of his kids, he wouldn’t be shy about voicing his concerns.
     At the same time, Nate isn’t the type to let someone walk all over him, so I knew he could handle himself. With my dad being overly sensitive to his kids and my boyfriend’s sarcasm in full effect, I was a little worried that two most important men in my life were going to come to blows.
     I finally got the courage to tell my parents on a Sunday evening. I just left Nate’s house, and I told them I was just coming from my boyfriend’s house. Of course they both look all shocked and scream, “You have a boyfriend!” But, I was initially relieved because they both looked happy and excited for me.
     That didn’t last long.
     “Is he black?” was the first thing out of my dad’s mouth.
     “No, he’s white,” I responded. Enter my dad’s face sinking into disappointment. I could see him thinking, ‘I can’t tell anybody that Deanna’s dating a white guy. How am I going to tell your grandmother? I can’t bring a white guy to the Urban League’s company golf outing.’
     Maybe I was a little paranoid, but you didn’t see my dad’s face.
     Just when I thought things couldn’t get any more awkward, my dad asked, “Are you two having sex?”
     I was mortified that my dad would talk to me about my sex life, my non-existent sex life, yet I was strangely relieved that we got off the white thing so quickly.
     My relief quickly transformed back to dread when both my parents insisted that they meet him. All I could think about was how my new awesome relationship was going to be over. Why in the world would Nate want to stay with me after getting drilled by my folks? I just knew Nate was going to realize I was not worth the trouble.

The Lunch Date
     Doomsday came in December before Christmas and after finals. I knew after he came over, he was going to call me the next day and tell me “this just wasn’t working out.”
     My mom and I made lunch. Nate came over and right away, my dad grilled Nate about his family, school, jobs, etc., while my mom distracted me by making me help her in the kitchen.
     From what I could hear, everything was going well. Dad started asking him about school, then his family, which unbeknownst to me, was our saving grace.
     Dad asked Nate what his father did for a living. Nate’s dad is a special education teacher. My brother is mentally handicapped, so my dad’s whole demeanor changed from the interrogating “what are your intentions with my daughter?” to a conversation between two people who happened to care about me. I don’t know why I never brought that up to my dad before because that would have been a great selling point. For some reason, it didn’t even cross my mind.
     When the conversation went to Madden 08, I knew everything was gravy. Nate was no longer my white boyfriend. He was a guy who liked Madden just like my dad did. He was a guy who played football in high school, just like my dad did. And most importantly, he was the guy who knew what it was like to be around, and be sensitive to, kids with special needs, kids like my little brother.
     My dad was happy, and he even told me that he liked Nate a lot. He said that Nate was “a good dude.”
     I guess my subconscious is going to have to come up with another plan to act out that rebellious stage..